this post is brought to you by afternoon naps and an iced latte. so, that’s a win!
welllll… it’s been all of like, a month since i’ve done one of these, but. there’s just so. many. funny. things.
toddlers are hilarious. and if i don’t laugh at the ridiculous things in life right now, i might lose my mind…so. here we go!

.one.
lila praying before dinner: ‘now i layme, own ooh sweep, fank {thank} you gawd for dinner, mama’s boooob, and mah chair. aaaamen.’
thanks girl.

.two.
every time the girls sit down to poop, they ask for the hunting magazine…specifically to the page where the deer is sad. {thanks, zach.}

.three.
piper, patting my belly: “it’s okay mommy, it’s okay, you having a baby”
me: “…what?? no. no i’m not. miller is here. right there.. i don’t have a baby in my belly. don’t tell people that..”
piper: “it’s okay mommy, it’s okay..”
{insert eye roll.}

.four.
piper: looooook!! mama!!! mil-ya’s peanut has a ballllll!!
me: ……

.five.
when making a sponsored video {to be posted soon!} on decorating pumpkins with toddlers, lila shoved 3 baby wipes in her mouth, ate some acrylic paint and piper had not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 ginormous meltdowns on camera. thank heavens for editing…and you’ll be seeing some real life soon…you’re welcome.

.six.
walking into the bathroom after a period of ‘too much quiet…’ one was sitting facing the toilet, the other standing like ‘a boy’ both peeing. all over.
‘look, mama!! i tinkling like a boyyyyyy!’
that’s great. except you don’t have a penis.
clean up in aisle 7. {insert eye roll}

.seven.
trying to get out the door…
me: ‘listen. girls…we need to put our shoes on before mama starts to get angry…’
piper: ‘it’s okay mama, you need-a yo coffee, it’s okay mama.’

.eight.
me: ‘smile! girls, do you want a candy corn?! you need to smile!’
girls smiled…
me: ‘ok, here’s your candy corn!’
piper: ‘no! i want threeeeee candy!!!’

.nine.
i treated the girls to a mcdonalds happy meal {which happens far more frequently than i’d ever care to admit} after therapy… i told them if they ate a quick lunch they could play… 45 minutes later, we had to get home for naps, so no one got to play… i had to football carry 2 screaming toddlers + a carseat out to the car.
and of course got the ‘you sure have your hands full….’ 3x on the way out.
sure do.

.ten.
at the pumpkin patch, i asked piper which pumpkin she wanted to pick out. she looked around and said, ‘that one’ and started walking.. i followed and kept saying, ‘this one?’ and she said ‘no, that one’ and kept walking to the end of the field of pumpkins. she finally stopped and said, ‘i want thaaaaat one. he’s so loooonely.’ i said, ‘this one?’ picking it up… she said, ‘yea, see?! he’s not lonely anymore!” and turned around to walk back to the wagon..

just when you think you’re doing everything wrong and failing at motherhood… they say one thing and you think, ‘you know, maybe we are doing something right.’
mama’s you’re rockin it.

confessions I
confessions II
confessions III