guys. it’s been a week. no…a MONTH. i’ve consumed more coffee in the last 2 weeks than could possibly be good for me. BUT we’re alive and i’m happy to say we’ve made it out alive!!
we’re coming off a very long week with the flu here and are headed out shortly to our repeat dentist appointment from the disastrous one a few months ago {you know, where my boob was flopping about in the middle of me silent screaming at one of the girls}……which reminded me. it’s time for some mama confessions!

shoutout to my girl, food hussy, for creating this fun little graphic for these posts! thanks hussy!

.one.
me {panicked that miller wasn’t where i left him, yelling at the girls}: guys! where is mills?!
piper {looking around}: “he right there mom! he eatin’ yo boob!”
me: …right.

.two.
we were at the pediatrician’s office/hospital 4 times in 5 days. enough said.

.three.
i took the kids to McDonald’s drive through for lunch last week to get out of the house.

.four.
on day 5 of fevers, lila’s on the couch crying because her body hurts and miller is hysterical on the floor while i’m trying to suction him…and then i hear screaming/crying from the kitchen and turned around to see piper on the counter throwing up, crying that her mouth is burning…and come to find out she ate hand sanitizer {that i had put ‘out of reach’..ha.} because it smelled like strawberries.
another call to poison control.
{she was fine.}

.five.
lilla {to the nurse}: mama have a baby in her beh-wee!
nurse: aw, congratulations mama!
me: wait, what?! lila don’t tell people that! no, i don’t!
i still don’t think she believed me.

.six.
i call the pediatricians office.
‘oh hi lindsey! who are you calling for today?!’
**they are literally the nicest people in the WORLD and she absolutely was not being rude…it’s just hilarious they know who we are this month**
…and on that note, the doc gave me a hug after the 3rd time she saw us in 3 days.
…and our other doc offered to go get coffee for me from downstairs…
i may or may not have called 4 nights in a row between the hours of 11pm and 4am… but at least felt better when they said while they often get ridiculous calls that can wait until 8am… i was justified in calling..none the less, ridiculous.

.seven.
the school psych for our district was at our house for piper’s evaluation for preschool…and it was a DAY. the girls were being terrrrrrrible.
lila went potty and immediately started screaming BUGGGGYYYYYYSSSS. i walk in and see the entire bath tub floor 75% covered in ants. i start panicking then remembered piper had spilled a glass of juice and while i had cleaned it up, i didn’t realize that it spilt into the tub…
g r o s s
so i quickly grab 409 {don’t ask.} and spray away, close the door and walk out to the school psych who is still sitting on our couch…
school psych giggling: was there like a spider or something?
me: yea… something like that.

.eight.
i sprayed dry shampoo in my armpits and didn’t realize until i sprayed deodorant in my hair.

.nine.
me: hey babe let’s put some lotion on your skin so it stays soft!
toddler: ‘no. i don’t have skin’
me: yea you do, everyone has skin, it’s a part of your body!
toddler {now crying}: nooo, i don’t have skinnnn!!
me: it’s okay babe! everyone does…
toddler {hysterical}: i don’t have skin, i hate skin!!!!

.ten.
trying to get out the door and an attempt to put pants on leads to a full blown tantrum followed by passing out in the middle of the floor.
i’m with ya girl. i hate pants too.

confessions V
confessions IV
confessions III
confessions II
confessions I