to the ones who made me ‘mama’,

as we count down the days and hours until your baby brother is born, i have so many things i wish you knew, i wish you understood and i wish i could explain to you.

growing up, i always wanted to be ‘mama’…it was something that your grammie passed on and when i was asked what i wanted to be, it was always, ‘a mom.’

you see, i’ve dreamed of you long before i ever really had plans for you and when your daddy and i found out it would be more than difficult, but impossible, my world was shattered. we navigated that world together and i held out hope that some day i would meet you. God did more than provide..He blessed us with not one, but two daughters… you two, beautiful souls..and he chose me to be your ‘mama.’

my pregnancy was hard with you…complications that almost tore us apart. then, when you were born at just 31 weeks, we watched as you fought for every breath.. breathing in strength and it was in those first few days i knew you two had your daddy’s strength. you pulled through that first month in NICU and we were so proud of you. but that was just the beginning.

you changed our lives, sweet girls. you changed my heart. physically, you changed my body in ways i never knew i could accept. our hearts grew and expanded and i finally understood it was possible to love two babies totally differently but just as fiercely. it was hard that first year and we grew into parenthood, stumbling every step of the way. we weren’t {aren’t} perfect and it was somewhere between exhaustion and the logistics of having twins that we settled into our life as a family of four.

i have loved every second with you both…every grace-filled day, you have taught me a little more about myself and so much more about Jesus. that doesn’t mean it’s always been rainbows or that it’s always easy, but i’m thankful for that.
it makes those moments that you look into my eyes and say, ‘i wuv you, mama’ that much sweeter.
or when you hold each other’s hands and giggle as you run down the hall.
or when you ask for the hundredth time by 9am for a golf cart ride with daddy.
the way you ask for snuggles in the middle of the night on ‘daddy’s’ bed.
how you kiss my belly on repeat and bring blankets and toys for your baby brother to ‘play with.’
how you take the time to pray each night for the family and friends who are on your minds and you love so much.

i more than wish i could slow down time and bottle you up, right here…today. lila your crazy hair and the best giggle i’ve ever heard in my life… piper your oh-so sweet demeanor as you bat your eyes and ask to give lovies to literally anything possible, including buggies.

girls, we’ve made so many mistakes. there are times at night when i close my eyes and pray i haven’t messed up this parenting gig so badly…but then there’s God’s grace… and if there’s one thing i pray for myself on a daily basis, it’s that i can teach you all about Jesus and His grace.

soon enough, it won’t be the three of us anymore {or four with daddy}… we’ll be bringing home your baby brother and i have no doubt he will fit right in with our crazy crew.

but i need you to know something so very important.
He chose you two to make me a ‘mama’, first. He knew i needed you way more than you needed me… you made me into the mama i am today. from those sleepless nights as newborns that i never was sure we’d get through to the first moment you noticed each other and squealed, all the way to those first steps.
i’ve always been the third wheel in your crazy duo and watching you develop this intricate and complex bond through sisterhood has brought me more joy than i could ever put into words.

being your mama has brought me the most abundant amounts of love.
i’ve loved harder and been more scared than i ever thought was possible.
i’ve felt more accomplished in watching you develop and cheering you on.
i’ve grown into mamahood, into being a wife and best friend to your daddy.
you did that.

no matter what comes our way, sweet girls, you two will always be my babies. you will always be my firsts.
the ones who made me mama.

i love you, forever, my sweet, sweet babies.

xoxo,

your mama

**a special thank you to I See Me! for providing us the sweetest book to celebrate our girls becoming big sisters! we have loved spending time reading this personalized book and talking about their family members who love them dearly.
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book c/o | I See Me!
bows c/o | indie bow co.
shirt | carter’s
non-maternity gown | shoppe smitten